There is no malice in my writing

I’m not going to talk about that person or that conversation any further here. It was and will remain private. But it has brought up a whole lot of stuff for me that I’m still navigating through. And some of it needs to be shared.

Because if one person has been reading my content and finding it personally confronting, others might too and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let folks being unnecessarily hurt by what I say continue.

So let’s talk about commentary content.

It’s something I’m known for. I take great pride in being able to write content that is inspired by and a reflection of world and industry events in ways that help others to understand things more deeply. And maybe, on a good day, be encouraged to challenge their own thinking.

And yes, I do take inspiration from things going on around me. But I am very rarely speaking about one specific event or scenario. (I do occasionally do that, but when I do, I am explicit and I acknowledge it.)

So, for example, when I talk about ‘spaces that used to feel safe but that don’t any more’ I am referring to many spaces.

Every public building in every town across the country that hasn’t got a rainbow plastered by the door.

Public toilets.

Feminist spaces I used to inhabit.

Some online spaces.

Some events.

All different.

None of them are safe to me any more.

Because I no longer have the privilege of being able to exist in mainstream spaces.

Any of them.

Why? Because violent, extreme transphobia has become mainstream and acceptable. It is everywhere.

In spaces where most mainstream folks didn’t even notice or think about trans people being in there with them and just got on with it, many of those people have now been told that trans folks are dangerous, ill, a risk to them, and should be challenged. A walk down the street now carries the potential for a random attack by someone who would have ignored me 18 months ago but would rather see me off the streets completely now.

So unless a space is explicitly welcoming to people like me, it’s off my list.

That list may soon include my own country. I am actively making the changes I need to make to my business so I can leave if I have to. Just let that sink in.

So if you have seen me talk about spaces that no longer feel safe and think I may be talking about your space, there is a chance that it might feature on that very long list of places I no longer feel safe to leave my home for, yes. But if I am, yours is one space in many, many spaces that feel that way.

The fact that you’re here, reading my words and choosing to stay in my world makes me believe that you are someone who – should this be true for your space – would want to know, and would want to fix it. And if that’s you I am 100% here to help you do that if you want me to.

I’ve been doing the work to create safer spaces for marginalised folks for 30 years. I was 17 when I set up a youth LGBTQ group in my home town. I’ve been writing content online for 25 years – starting way back in the Livejournal heyday.

This is what I do.

It’s what I’ve always done.

And it’s what I will continue to do.

It has never been about one thing, one person, one issue, one community. It never will be.

However, if you read my content and you experience a spark of recognition in it then please take it as the welcome it is intended as. I’m inviting you to examine it. I’m inviting you to ask yourself the hard questions about why, when someone talks about how at risk they feel, you think they might be talking to you.

THAT is where the real magic sits. If you happen to feel this way whilst reading my words, then alongside that recognition, I want you to feel joy! Because you’re right there, in that moment, being given an opportunity to learn something, to change something, to engage in a dialogue that might shift something for the better. I am here for those conversations with bells on!

Because this isn’t about shame, or guilt, or criticism. The last thing any of us need is more freakin pain right now! And I get that it’s hard. When we feel challenged our first reaction is often to be defensive, to build walls, to lash back, to fold inwards.

But we ain’t fixing anything if that’s where we stay.

The last week or so has been really fucking hard for me. Mainly for reasons I haven’t and won’t share publicly, but I know I won’t get to move on from this emotional quicksand I’m currently floundering in without actively talking about these feelings.

This is my way out.

To write this post.

To hopefully ease the discomfort of anyone who may read what I say and experience it as a personal attack to be reminded that I will never actively attack anyone.

I am not attacking you.

I never will.

I am inviting you in.

I am offering you love.

My door is always open if you want to meet me through it with love in your heart too.

I do have one, final note though. If, for you, reading my words causes you too much discomfort, please just unfollow me or block me. I know my writing does an awful lot of good in the world and I will not stop it because someone might find it confronting. We’re all adults and we all have autonomy over what we consume. Please look after yourself. x